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08 February 2014

Forcing Happy

I'm sad.

More than I think I even realized. My January flew by in such a whirlwind of surprises, of work, of travel...that I was able to push my sadness aside until I had time to really feel it.

I think it's important to feel it. To get to know it. To embrace it, even. But then, how to push the reset button?

How do I not get stuck. in. sadness.

Honestly, I can't remember how I felt before I got the news I was pregnant. I am left so raw from the sheer unfairness of events that followed that I've been too bruised to fight, to wage war against the sadness that eventually creeps in.

Instead of taking steps forward, I seem to go back to the place where I last felt happiness. To the pure elation of that solitary moment when I saw double lines. The absolutely joy that only compounded when I shared it with my husband; the escalation to euphoria when he couldn't contain his own excitement and started announcing the good news to his friends and family and to the world.

Those were good old days. The best days of our lives. Those days are behind us now.

I remember that I was healthy; eating lean and green and running off my everyday stress and feeling strong. I had bounced back from a bad time, even lost 35 pounds! And felt ready to plan and work my own goals for success in my own business that was booming around me - and without me.

I remember I was happy. I remember the things. But I can't remember the feeling. I can't believe that was only 3 short weeks ago. These, all being the reason I was blessed in the first place? Was it really a miracle? Or a positive and predictable outcome for creating habits of happiness...

I can't wait for these things to happen before I am happy again. Especially when my original happiness may have been the very thing that made that thing happen to begin with!

You see, I never had any expectations of ever experiencing such joy in my life. So now that it has happened, I have two choices:

  1. Allow it to motivate me to dig myself out the pathetic ruins of grief in order to achieve that 'thing'
  2. Continue back into a comfortably average existence. 

Either way, this too shall pass.

And it's true that when it rains, it pours. It beats you when you're already down. Death and taxes. Man, I am getting old. And I digress from my point.

That's the thing though. The pandora's box, so to speak. Happiness is about living it, in awareness of the moment in spite of negative external influences and personal experience. Being depressed opens my world up to more depression and bad things happening. It limits my perception and perspective.

On the other hand, being happy doesn't mean that ignorance is bliss. I still have to face the music of my reality. But it does allow me to work more efficiently and more intelligently towards a solution and

not.


get.



stuck.

We all do it. Or should, anyway. Force happiness, that is. I'm not talking about faking happiness. I'm talking about compelling yourself onward into a positive state of mind. There are studies you know. That happiness is the precursor to all other success in life. But happiness does not make us impervious to sadness, but it might....it just might...act as a retardant.

And so today I seek happiness.

I didn't do it alone. I was introduced to The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor through a Get Real Conference last spring. Although I am myself just a baby in my knowledge about his research, I reached into the The Real Life Library of my Nerium back office and searched for his name. There, I found a few reminders of ways to hit that reset button.

We are all living in a negativity bias. While the constitution my protect our pursuit of it, the odds are stacked against it. Not only through the media and the world around us, throwing sensationalism and bad news our way, but our brain is also not designed to look for happiness. It's designed or survival; to look for fear and threats to keep us protected.

But we can train our brains to combat that sadness. By changing the ratio of the bias. Things like cutting the bad out by 5% and increase positive reinforcements by 10%. I can seek things that will push me forward to transform my life and in effect, positively impact others as well!  All this in under 3 minutes a day. And so I start again - TODAY - in practicing the exercises that force happy until it becomes a habit.

Sadness from a broken heart can turn into hopelessness. And that's just not an acceptable outcome for me!

* Great video snippets based on Shawn's books here: TEDx and Success Magazine 

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