11 June 2011
No matter how I say it, I'm sure it means more to my mother than to me. To me, it's just another day.
...Until I think of the pressure. Oh man! I forgot about my deadline! UGH!
39 was to be my banner year. Well, that is after 32 was suppposed to be my banner year - and then escaped me. Oh yeah, then 36 was to be my banner year; it came and went. Now here is 39 aready?!?! Wasn't I in this same place JUST last year? Hadn't I been warned that my clock was ticking?
THIRTY NINE. It's the last year you may use your own eggs for IVF implant. Not the last year they recommend due to the loss of viability or the low percentages...that has been the heads up since I as thirty-two (my first expected banner year..double ugh.); but the last year they will even do it!
Oh sure, I can use some other woman's egg. Somebody else's gene pool. Some young things unneeded extras. Somebody who has plenty to spare. Some dumb somebody who isn't me!
That somebody might possibly be healthy, I guess. I guess they could possibly have auburn hair. Maybe quite possibly have blue eyes. Possibly a few freckles and fair skin; maybe even petite and I guess they could be a good person, hard worker, lover of animals and beauty.
If thirty-nine doesn't happen - I guess maybe there is possibly always forty.