11 April 2010


How did I get to be this age...that being, apparently, the age where my chances of naturally becoming pregnant is at a whopping 9%...without knowing how desperate my situation has become?

I attended a frighteningly informative seminar sponsored by the Reproductive Resource Center. Amidst young couples almost bursting with excitement and women who had solid reasons for having trouble making babies, I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. The fact that I have had "unexplained infertility" for, at the very least, the last 17 years of my life - does not give me a happy prognosis. If I had only started this process even just 5 years ago, I wouldn't have to make such immediate and hard decisions about our future.

To remain childless or somehow finance $30K - that is know what it is down to.

As an only child of divorced parents, I have always had this sense of being alone. Sometimes, this feels like loneliness. Quite selfishly, I thought that starting my OWN family would fill that void with a real bond - a real bloodline connection - to another precious life. I know that I would be a great mom rivaled only by the greatness of Todd being a dad. I never thought I would be one of those women who became overwhelmed by the unlikelihood of that experience...until it hit me this morning during an emotional and open discussion of the facts as they were presented to me.

I know our options - but they are just not options for us at this time. Unfortunately - time is not a thing that we have anymore.


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