Back to Normal

My blood test results are in. I should be thrilled! But I have more questions than answers now.

I received a little postcard in the mail with a box checked "normal" on it - mixed in with my NY&CO discount postcard and a reminder card from the donation curb pickup. I needed a bit more pomp and circumstance for my blood results. Like confetti and balloons popping out of my mailbox like it does when you get a birthday invitation from Disney on TV! I feel so cheated. ;)

How can I be normal?!?! (insert lame jokes here) I've got my own boxes to check:

• Hairiest woman on the planet. CHECK!
• Uterine fibroids in my retroverted uterus (not so magnificent AFTER ALL, HUH!) CHECK!
• Raging PMS. Think Mommy Dearest on a good day. CHECK!
• Painful Periods. I cannot even describe. CHECK!
  
• The sex drive of a sloth. CHECK!
• Bladder infections like most people get a head cold. CHECK!
• Horrible skin. CHECK!
• A permanent front butt due to constant bloating and water retention. COOL! CHECK!
• General lack of energy and constant anxiety. Man I rock! CHECK!

I even tried to pee on a stick for three months straight, taking my temperature and trying to track my ovulation. Nothing every changed colors and my temp never changed to any degree or pattern. The only way I knew I was laying an egg was the pain I always feel while my body tries to squeeze one through my tubes. Technically called mittelschmerz.

These are things most of us live with at one time or another and are very good signs of a hormone imbalance when combined and with extreme symptoms. I just thought this was the way things were supposed to be until my doctor corrected me - giving me hope that my whole world could change with the simple popping of some designer pills.

And so continues the saga as my reasons for not conceiving are dwindling. Back to being normal! I think I'll go spend that NY&CO coupon and gather some clothes to donate now.