That Mockingbird Will Sing

I love music.

How a song can so perfectly strike the chords of your heartstrings.  How its words can wrap around a feeling or a memory that you keep way down deep inside and dare not speak.  How you instantly feel a new connection with yourself.  How you are moved to tears BY yourself.

I slipped out alone tonight to quiet a craving for ice-cream and started channel surfing on the car stereo to quiet the thoughts in my head.  I landed on a station in commerical break before distracted by the menu and giving my order.  Just as I paid and started my way back home, a beat caught my attention.  I cranked it up and got ready for the ride.  Before I knew it, my eyes were full and the back of my throat was tight.  Rob Thomas has put thoughts I didn't know I had until I heard them put to his amazing melody.


It may not make sense to most, but to me it is not a song about a broken relationship; but of my amazing one.  "We've tried everything.  Life seems hard enough, but maybe we ain't meant for THIS love."  To me, it is just another sign.  Maybe it is time to end one dream so that we can make room for a new one.  That mockingbird will sing.

MOTHER'S Day Revisited

Every year on that day of celebration, I go church to honor my own mother who so faithfully attends.  Inevitably, there is that awkward moment during the greeting and announcements when the pastor asks all Mom's to stand to accept their praise and applause from the crowd and heavens alike.  They are typically offered a flower to plant in their gardens or some other token in wishing of a well deserved Happy Mother's Day.  Then what usually happens is that one of the door greeters starts passing out all the gifting overages at the end of the service to 'all others'.  

I cringe.

The sermon this year was refreshingly different.  While not detracting from the glory of mothers, it did include a focus in the "Value of a Woman" to which it was also appropriately titled and based upon the poetic verses in Proverbs chapter 31.  

Even when young and growing up a hodgepodge of  Methodist, Southern Baptist, Union and Lutheran theologies through several broken homes; I have always been keenly aware of the importance of a woman in her own right.  Their names and positions and lessons in the Bible and as role models are some of the most poignant in life.  These were not just characters on a Sunday school felt board to me; they were THE heroes of the big book even though you sometimes have to dig between the lines to find them.

The thing that struck me in this most recent lecture was how little things have changed in the day of being woman.  Though iPhones have replaced a donkey messenger, a woman in charge is still the theme.  These Proverbs describe a business owner, industrious and creative; homeowner extraordinaire, loved and respected for her gentle and nurturing nature and her sound judgment; a charitable giver full of incredible compassion; she is prepared - she is as logical as open is her heart - she strives for excellence - she is healthy and physically strong.  All of this and she is not burdened or worried from the load of responsibility because she has her eye on God as her first priority. 

SHE IS REMARKABLE.

So as barren as my own womb (didn't THAT sound biblical) and although I may not completely understand the logistics of my currently unanswered prayers, I am confident that I HAVE VALUE in MY own right.  My own life was created for a purpose BEYOND my understanding....for now.   

Happy belated "Mother's" Day!

M is for Mucinex

What does Mucinex have to do with makin' babies? Funny you should ask!

Since my diagnosis of producing concrete, the remedy has been prescribed as Mucinex (not the DM) taken twice daily. It thins out the mucus when you have a head cold - why not your cervix I suppose!

The outcome? Holy rubber wet suit, Batman!

I have to admit I was skeptical. But I have now been shown the light. Given the issues post intercourse I described in yesterday's post, I was just under the impression THAT was the normal. I have been loving this! No more problems before or after the deed. Does it sound weird that I FEEL more fertile? LOL. And no more do I seem to feel 'not in the mood'. I may be forming a serious addiction to this new found over-the-counter miracle drug. It's the best little blue pill ever!

My job is easy now. I purchase a daily ovulation kit and take it from there. My witch doctor described optimal positions and methods to encourage our little swimmers to find the end of the rainbow. It could get quite hilarious on the home front this month.

Important Health Bulletin

No deep thoughts today - only a funny to help lighten the mood with great advice from my "Tequila" friend :) CHEERS to you all!

Click on the pix at the left. Fun book from one of my favorite online stores!

IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN:

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or Pharmacist about Margaritas.

• Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

• Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

• You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

• Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:

• Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration
• Erotic lustfulness
• Loss of motor control
• Loss of clothing
• Loss of money
• Loss of virginity
• Loss of bladder control
• Attraction to ugly men
• Table dancing
• Headache
• Dehydration
• Dry mouth
• And a desire to sing Karaoke
  

WARNING:
The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING:
The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING:
The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING:
The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

*Margaritas are also available in generic form, known as tequila!!!!
Just as effective and costs only a fraction.

Making It

Between making a house, making a baby and making ends meet - I guess the stress is hitting us a bit more than we had anticipated.

It is ironic that during this time in our lives, my husband and I are doing more TOGETHER than we ever have in our long (almost) 17 year past - yet the distance between us sometimes seems oceanic. I know that all couples go through this at one time or another. Building the nest, emptying the nest, flying the entire darn coop! They are all stages in life that require some adjustment and changes. Hopefully, both man and wife will have evolved together more wise, more fun, and more in love than ever.

Also ironic is all the advice about stress - that adds to the stress - of why we aren't getting pregnant. Words of wisdom like: "You are just trying to hard." or "When the time is right it will just happen - relax!" or my favorite, "Give it time, nature will eventually take its course" to which the responses I keep privately in my head are always gracious ;) Stress is a HUGE factor in getting pregnant, both naturally and assisted, accounting for up to 30% of infertility-related problems. I found a great article on the subject on WebMD.

When thinking about stress and how it relates to me personally, I am reminded (and encouraged!) that I have always been one to work best under stress - and usually at things to which I do not excel nor put forth 100%. I am not a planner or at strategist. A bit of a procrastinator at heart, I typically fly by the seat of my pants and very much live in the moment.

For example, in high school track I ran hurdles. At 5'2" my coaches used to laugh that I was so short my legs barely even touched the ground anyway, so why not! I never had perfect form; being too short to 3-step and too awkward to 4-step. I had my own style and did it my way. I would get insanely nervous and nauseous before each meet to the point I had to convince everyone I was not about to die and to just let me wipe off my face...and let me run. Though I never felt prepared and my muscles never felt completely stretched out - I knew I just had to go for it. I would get down on my mark; feeling the hot asphalt on my hands and place them within millimeters of the starting line. Get set; looking up at the perfect line of obstacles ahead of me. GO!

I would roll out of the blocks, not with a rocket burst like my competitors, but staying low and gradually lifting towards the first hurdle, reaching my left hand to touch my right lead foot that glided my horizontal body over it with an undetectable brush of my trailing thigh. I did not look at the finish line. I barely looked a the next hurdle. I was only partially aware of the others in my peripherals as I closed the space between us until they all but disappeared (I like to think behind me!). I did feel the rhythm beneath my own feet; however random that might have been to those watching, and instinctively knew when to lift - and when to dig...deep to the end. And when it was over? I was always rewarded with a medal. Not always first! But never last.

This is a template for all other things in my life. Late night drafting projects in college that produced designs still used in local office spaces today. Countless journalism deadlines I thought I would never make as I sat down to a blank piece of paper with no ideas that produced published works. Sales goals that I thought impossible to meet that came down to the wire when a business connection was made at the last minute and unexpected to help pull a team through. Why should making a baby be any different than making it through anything else in my life.

I know why. Because this is a team effort and not an individual sport. And this stress is not my own.

So between making the baby...and making the house...and making ends meet - I am reminded that this IS, actually, a terrific time to be in love and take the opportunity to grow closer together and not let an ugly thing like STRESS pull us apart. It is the first time that we are actually making things happen - making goals, making progress, and making life meaningful!

....just run. Dig deep 'till the end.


In the words of vintage America's Sweetheart, Mary Richards, "We're gonna make it after all!"

Gimme an M! Gooooo MAMMOGRAM!

I believe I have completed my first round of testing. Every fluid, nook and cranny has sucked up, gawked at and felt up. I am not one to be terribly shy at this point in life. And I'm reminded that every test gets us closer to an answer!

The first of these tests was a simple mammogram. I am now officially a member of, as my friend and founder of our Breast Cancer 3Day team Raelyn says, the REAL team FRESHLY SQUEEZED! A very elite group, I must say. I recommend EVERYONE join - quick!

I was first relieved to find out that my insurance paid for the mammogram. While private insurances are now required to pay in in accordance with the current American Cancer Society guidelines for screening, I was suprised that I was covered for one exam between ages 35-40. The Komen Foundation often holds free and/or low cost mammogram events for those whom are uninsured or underinsursured as well. Click here for more info. There are no excuses anymore, ladies!

At any rate, I was caught off guard at how emotional I became...as I do anytime...and as I do now...when reminded of my dear friend (and many of your's) Laura Plunkett. Thoughts of her so often creep into my heart and make me smile! (Please check out the link to her blog for a glimpse into her amazing legacy in my favorites column!)

The mammography itself was not nearly as horrible as I expected. Here is a handy little link should you have questions.

The technician, Margaret, was great (dare I say magnificent?!?!). She was not overly sappy sweet. She was a bit of a tomboy with some girly flair. She did not treat my newbie self like a child or talk down to me nor was she overly clinical. She was respectful and very matter-of-fact without being distant - keeping my tears at bay that kept threatening to break the Eyelid Dam.

The changing room was a small but comfortable little space with tasteful wallpaper and the most current magazines to read...though my wait was not so much that I needed entertained. The exam room itself was also pleasant. All of it had a fresh smell. Somebody was obsessed with Febreeze apparently. I could appreciate the few personal and homey touches with tasteful pink ribbon decor sprikled throughout.

Just as the jaws of life came down upon me, I thought again of Laura. I think she was there with me. Walking me through it in words I could hear like the whisper of an angel, strung together in a style distinctly hers. Not overly sappy sweet with a bit of tomboy girliness - never talking down to me or being overly clinical. Just very matter-of-fact and very close as friends should be. Yep....she was there.

M is for Magnificent

Did I mention that I love my new Gyno?

I lucked out when my finger landed on her name as the meeny to my miney-mo from a list of network providers. Her name is Patricia Mooney-Smith at Heartland Women's Clinic in the NKC Pavillion.

During our first meeting, she glided into my room and the energy around her immediately changed. Her eyes lit up when she spoke. And she she listened - REALLY listened and became increasingly and genuinely excited as I explained to her why I was there. I have convinced myself that it was my circumstance and not the exam she was about to perform that aroused her so.

Once on the gurney with my feet placed stragically aligned to the Betty Boop foot straps - all spread eagle and talking about the warm weather that day like it was the most natural thing to do in front of a total stranger - she exclaimed, "You have a magnificent uterus!". Wow. I may not have fame or fortune in my life, but I have a MAGNIFICENT uterus. It's something I suppose.

Once back in my street clothes and ironically feeling more exposed than ever, she reported all the clinical things to which she is required and gave me orders for testing and explained what each one was for. She then reached over and touched my my hand with pause. "I want to ask you to hang with me for the next three months. We will figure this out together and I want to head into this with all the ammunition I have. Will you hang with me?".

She is also magnificent.